Posted in Music

Illicit Affairs (Cover)

I really love the way this song is written. It gives us a perspective of a woman who just fell in love with the wrong person at the wrong time.

I may lack experiences (okay, no experience at all) in the dating field, but I love singing songs about them – it makes me feel more connected as a human. It connects me with just pure, raw emotions. And Taylor Swift is like undoubtedly one of the few artists out there who’s not just a great song-writer but also a divine story teller! And it’s just a joy to dive in to her every song.

So I hope you’ll enjoy this little output. 🙂

illicit affairs, September 12, 2020

if the audio above doesn’t work, I hope this link will :

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kAedj6C50NxZ4KlHTA0GTNUcrPGM_okk/view?usp=sharing

Posted in Uncategorized

Life Update

Subic Beach Resort, February 14, 2019

Hello,

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has helped me with the whole ordeal that I am currently going through – to those who donated, shared my family’s fundraising posts, prayed, and cheered me on. Hahaha heck, even to those of my friends who never gave up on tagging me in every meme and corny puns they could find, just so I could stay connected- it gave me so much positive energy and hope.

Sorry, I know this post is long overdue. A lot of you have been messaging me back then, and are still doing so. And I just couldn’t bring myself to reply to everyone’s messages as I can only handle 2-3 constant people in my circle.

Well, okay, life update.

I’m just done with my 2nd cycle of chemo called R-ICE. It’s a combination of immunotherapy and chemotherapy. It’s different from my 1st course of chemo called CHOP (which happened just last year, and it totally didn’t work btw ~ boooh!). 

Mentally, I’m okay. I’m choosing not to see cancer as a battle because to do so will mean that those who have died due to this disease have lost the said battle. 

And nope. That’s not true. Just like every normal healthy person out there, we’re all just in the same boat – trying to not let the storms of life take over us. 

Emotionally and spiritually, well, it IS a battle. I know I have my God’s promises of healing and hope in my heart, but some days, your mind spirals down to despair, you know? 

But, duh, I mean, who doesn’t go through this? With or without cancer? 

Anyway, I’m just glad that God was there through it all. I may have “angrily” questioned Him the purpose of these things, but I’m just glad that He isn’t the kind of God who’ll get offended even when you question His identity. How awesome is that, no?

So, thank you again to everyone who has helped me get through this stage. It really means a lot. I may not say it personally or messaged you directly, but know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers of gratitude. 

Love,

Kath ❤

Posted in Uncategorized

A Serious Case of Imposter Syndrome

You know that thing you’re doing when you get a compliment where you just shrug it off and try to seriously downplay the praise like, “No, it wasn’t really that great. (*nervous laugh*)”. You’re never really comfortable with compliments, and feel like you don’t deserve the praises people are giving you.

While, before receiving any of those compliments, you know you’ve worked hard to achieve it. Invested too much time and effort into it- cried, lose sleep, mentally breakdown, deprived yourself of even the smallest pleasure just to achieve your goal. But why do you downplay the efforts you’ve put into it when you finally achieved the fruits of your labor?

Yeah, it’s crazy. What an internal struggle, no?

Apparently, that’s one of the signs of having an Imposter Syndrome.

But, don’t fret. It’s not that serious…

I think? (huhuh psych friend, I’m sorry. Correct me if I’m wrong)

But it can be viewed as a big hindrance for you to achieve your full potential.

So, recently, yes I found out that the reason I have this, is that I’m scared that I am not inherently what other view me as. That i am not creative, intelligent, kind, cheerful, talented, as what other people view me as. (Okay, this may sound like I’m bragging but stick with me LOL.)

That deep down, I am not ALL that. That it’s better not to embrace ALL of the things people are applauding me for because when I do fail or make a mistake, I won’t feel too bad about it because I really didn’t own up to that identity in the first place. No ownership and acknowledgment, therefore, less mistake for me.

And I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Basically what we’re doing to ourselves, is we’re trying to diminish the light that is in us. We’re trying to make ourselves smaller, almost disappearing from everyone else’s sight, while internally we’re perfectionists. We literally beat ourselves to death trying to be perfect.

So, I came across this article that talks about not being able to do enough. That no matter what you try to pursue, you’ll never really feel enough.

UNLESS you view yourself as already COMPLETE and PERFECT as you are now, REGARDLESS of what you achieve because you are INHERENTLY complete!

And I would like to quote what struck me in that article:

Perhaps instead of chasing my perceived deficiencies, I could stop believing my life CAN be lacking… Perhaps I’m essentially complete, whatever I do. Perhaps we’re all complete, and we’re just choosing how best to express it.

Neil Hughes. “Isn’t There Something More I Should Be Doing?” https://puttylike.com/isnt-there-something-more-i-should-be-doing

And this got me thinking. Isn’t this the very reason why Jesus chose to save us? Why He chose to carry and die on that cross, for you and me, so that we, who once were broken, can be complete again.

So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.

Colossians 2:10 (NLT)

(You know, while I was writing those words above, it amazes me how understanding salvation and its effect in our lives can be a loooooong process. I mean, I know I got saved and my name is already written in God’s Book of Life when I first received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, but sometimes our human brain can’t really comprehend the wonders of God’s grace in one fell swoop. It takes a lifetime of process and journey to be able to even understand a spec of God’s grace.)

That believing in His love and sacrifice for us, we can stop clamoring for perfection because apart from Him, we are nothing- as cliche as it may sound. And that true success can be found when we do things with God because that is where true joy is. That is where true joy resides – with God.

Jesus taking that sacrifice for us means that I can stop going after people’s opinion and fighting for their acknowledgment because I AM ACKNOWLEDGED AND LOVED BY THE MASTER AND CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE even before I acknowledged and knew Him.

That by believing and seeing myself on how God sees me – complete, loved, creative, talented, intelligent, kind, and whatever good adjective you can come up with – I can finally stop trying to prove to everyone that I am all that!

And also by acknowledging that even through my human flaws – *insert all bad adjectives LOL* – His love will never be removed from me. That the love that He has for me wouldn’t change no matter what mistakes I can make in the future. His mercies and love is new (fresh) every morning!

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)

So, you see… We are after all COMPLETE. In the eyes of our Creator, we are loved as we are right now. No matter where you are right now, what you’re doing in the moment, what mistakes you did yesterday, you are loved – filled with never-ending love. AND That Love is available for everyone, even for the worse human being you could ever think of.

So, go do what you want to do. Create what you want to create. Pursue what you want to pursue. Because you are inherently amazing as you are right now. Because Jesus decided that you are worthy to die for.

And His opinion is the only one that matters.